Hello, this is Myroid, and welcome to the Myroid-Type Comics Self-Help Series, the Myroid-Type Comics Self Help Series. This week's installment: How to get girls.

As we all know, girls are stupid. They like watching shit on MTV. They like to shop. But most importantly, they like to stick things in their mouth. Our goal today is to make one of those things your dick. Hell, if you master the skills well enough, they'll want to stick your dick in all sorts of places.

Girls like watching MTV because they like to fawn over musicians. Even just saying "musician" around a girl sends her vagina into a frothing madness. It's like aural spanish fly or something.

Odds are that if you're listening to this, you aren't a musician. Luckily for you, you don't have to be a musician to appear to be one. Girls are stupid, remember? The easiest instrument to pretend to play is the guitar. Unfortunately, learning guitar is a tedious and frankly boring endeavor. What I'll tell you about today will make you look like a guitar god, even if you don't know what a pick is.

Step One: Get a guitar.
If you're too poor to afford your own guitar, get one from one of your cooler friends. They won't mind since they're too busy stuffing their cocks into some sweet, sweet giney. Make sure that the guitar is not an accoustic, as accoustic guitars tend to not be able to be plugged into amplifiers.

Step Two: Plug guitar into amp.
Once you're set, crank the distortion knob to full. Playing with a clean sound will make you appear to be a wuss and much worse, probably gay. Turn the volume up too. Playing louder makes your technique look even more impressive.

Step Three: Put the guitar down.
You heard me. For this exercise, place both of your hands palm-down over a table or something. Now, place your left index finger on the table. Tap the table with your left middle finger, then with your right index finger. Practice tapping each finger in rhythm. Left, right, left, right. Once you've got the rhythm down, try to tap faster and faster. The faster you play, the more duss you'll get.

Step Four: Pick up the guitar.
Now that you've perfected your technique, pick up the guitar. On the B string, that's the second-skinniest string for you just starting out, place your left index finger on the sixth fret, your left middle finger on the ninth fret, and your right index finger on the thirteenth fret. Do the exercise. It should sound awesome. Remember, you have to tap FAST!

Step Five: Get duss.
It might be hard to play the lick for more than a few seconds because your guitar pwnage will make every girl with a mouth within earshot fight to the death over your dick, but then they settle their differences and begin to share. And you'll be happy.

If you've played the lick for a few minutes and nothing's happening, you're not doing it right. Remember, you have to look like the lick is the hardest thing in the world to pull off. Jump around. Make faces. Take your shirt off. Showmanship increases pussy ten-fold.

There you have it! Follow these steps and it'll be no time before you can brag to your WoW friends about how much vagina you're currently stabbing with your meat shank. You can have any girl you want! In fact, my technique even works on some of the most prudent, bitchy girls ever!

That's it for this installment of the Self-Help Series. Practice makes pussy. Rock on!