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For those of you deprived as children, Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine was a puzzle game for the Sega Genesis that involved blowing up colored beans. It was like Tetris, only awesome. If four beans of the same color touched, they would explode. You could create chain reactions and bury your opponent under a mountain of waste. It ruled. However, there were some problems with the game.
Problem #1: Way too easy. I could beat the game's hardest difficulty in my sleep. If you get at least a 4-round chain reaction, you win.
This guy doesn't know it yet, but he's about to need a lozenge.
By the way, for each orange bean thing above his box, that's about five layers of trash that gets dumped on him. If I had made the game, there wouldn't be any bullshit orange bean-counting. If you were doomed to be hit with the maximum amount of beans that would fit in the window, there would just be some text there reading, "YOU FUCKING LOSE".
Problem #2: The dialogue is lame. Out of all the enemies you fight, not one of them says anything remotely awesome or threatening. The worst thing of all is that a lot of them spout puns. If I had made the game, there would be a lot more swearing and shit-talking. Nobody takes a green thing in a yellow can seriously. They would, however, if he threatened to kill your family.
Shit-talking at its best.
Problem #3: Robotnik. I'm not sure why, but it always seemed like Dr. Robotnik had the stupidest costumes. He looks more likely to play in a marching band than enslave the animal kingdom. Who knows, maybe he wears such trendy clothing because of a hidden secret:
The truth comes out.
Plus, who the fuck relies on a robotic rooster to do anything?
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